THE PEN IS MORE PORTABLE THAN THE SWORD
YOU WANTED THE BEST...
I don't normally get geeky and I know that most people can't afford Apple products (shit, me neither - this is work gear), but here's why Apple trounce those other things into the dirt. With big boots on.
I got this MacBook about 6 months back. Open box. Turn it on. Mac is awake and ready to go. It took about as long to get started as it did for you to read that. Got on with my life.
At the back end of last week, I bought Ellie a Samsung Netbook (20% off in Tesco sale - she's been saving up for nearly a year bless her). Open box. Turn it on. Needs plugging in and charging. Turn it on again. Enter stuff. Restart. Enter more stuff. Restart. Contains Windows 7 Starter Pack - unable to change desktop background (pretty much top of the list when you're 14). And so it went on for another two hours until I figured it was safe enough to give her. Between Windows, Microsoft, Norton and all the other shit on there wanting attention, it's hardly surprising nobody working on a PC can get anything done very fast. This isn't a slur on Samsung at all - it's a solid bit of kit but all those other fucking bits and pieces don't half make it annoying. I reckon I could finish a magazine off on an Etch-A-Sketch faster than a PC these days.
Anyway, a few minor adjustments later based on experience (ie: fuck Internet Explorer off and replace with Firefox etc) and she's quite happy.
The moral of the story is, it doesn't matter what anybody says about Apple - they're overpriced and elitist for a reason. It's not being arrogant when you're really that damn good...
Posting from iPhone...
It's good to see the grapevine isn't slacking these days - a cybermen has been seen lurking in a secret location with accompanying cameras, an Amy and an Arthur filming for the new series of Doctor Who. I think I'm pleased about that... despite all the criticism about the 'regulars' appearing far too often, I kinda missed them in the last run.
Despite constant threats to post here, I seem to have fallen off the wagon. Yesterday, I rooted out my list of 101 things to do in 1001 days and started revising it. There's been quite a bit of it done already but being as I started it about two years back and didn't look at it very often, that's more by accident than design. Still, it's a good start and I think the addition of 'make a will' is a valued item on there. Said list is currently being revised to accommodate me actually moving on in my life and rendering some items null and void and might, just might, be up for a public posting. Depends what ends up on it.
While I was busy redesigning the masthead on here, for some reason (see previous post) it didn't want to play, so I made this temporary text version while I figured it out, but in the days that have passed, I have come to quite like it like this so it will be staying for a while. I've also been looking at some mobile blogging tools to help me fulfil one of the more important items on my 101x 1001 list which was "post at zodiac lung everyday."
So, that's the curse of the non-posting broken, let's see if we can get back on track with interesting nonsense...
Currently reading: The Man On The Balcony: Maj Sjowall & Per Wahloo. Number 3 of the Martin Beck series. Am determined to do all 10 of them without a break but that might be a bit if a tall order given the towering stack of amazon purchases I made after Christmas.
Currently listening to: the inane conversation of the nan and woman sitting opposite me on the train.
The Rear View Mirror
So, here it comes in all its glory. 2011. This is as good a place as any to say a very huge thank you to everybody who is still reading my posts at zodiaclung.co.uk - even those of you who read by proxy over the facebook feed. In hindsight, if we're going to use years as marker points, 2010 was pretty successful.
The digital store I set up has exceeded expectation for a start - here's a quick overview of where it stands today: The Fire Sermon - 69,000 readers and counting Gelert - 8,000+ Shouting & Pointing (an Inspector Kang short) - 13,000+ Too Hot For Dogs has also hit 43,000+ readers - my only disappointment with that is that it remains unfinished and needs a total reboot this year and finishing off.
Those numbers are pretty good for something I thought I'd try out as an experiment. Meanwhile in the real world, driving Skin Deep has handed me some great opportunities (aside from it being a really fucking cool job), not least the opportunity to unleash Tattoo Vixens on the world. I haven't quite mustered up the bare faced cheek to ask any of the incredibly talented artists I'm in contact with if they woud like to work on some comic book projects together, but I'm sure it will come sooner rather than later - especially with Tattoo Freeze being around the corner... like the weekend after next.
I've also found a cure for the common flu virus - the Twisted Sister back catalogue. This morning I looked about as healthy as a sack of kittens in a well, but three albums in I must admit, I'm starting to feel a bit sharper. You can't knock the evidence that's in front of your eyes...
More later...
Junk Machine
Danny Trejo locks horns with Steven Seagal, Robert DeNiro, Jessica Alba and Don Johnson in a film by Robert Rodriguez that makes Desperado look like a regular western? What's not to like in this scenario?
Forgiveness will only be granted if the author of this post is less then 10 years old and his parents were brother and sister…
Did anybody else notice that this year Paula Abdul has been replaced on American Idol by Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler? Me neither. Shouldn't Tyler be doing something useful - writing songs like he used to in 1977 maybe?
Lopez is reported to have signed up for one season only for $12 million. One would assume Tyler's cut would be around the same. Still… once upon a time I used to think that my heroes where above things like this. I love American Idol but some people should just stay away…
Now, Danny Trejo being a judge on American idol... yeah, that's what I'm talking about...
Get in the Ring
Burned out on work for today and left alone in the house for an hour or two this evening, there’s only one thing to do. Catch up on the blog. A fine place to start is by introducing my new mug to the party. That’s right - a while back (wow, maybe a couple of years ago now) when I was left in a similar situation, I ran a blog post about all of my mugs. This is the latest addition. Isn’t she beautiful? Nice to see the inclusion of the Angels after their reappearance in the show this year. Mostly, this mug rocks hard but my favourite is still the square one I have with the Judoon Captain on it.
Been keeping some late nights lately too - managed to get through the whole season 2 of Fringe and as far as we have gotten into season 3, kept up with Supernatural and also whipped through season 2 of Mad Men. Mostly though, l’m looking forward to Californication and Torchwood restarting. But you don't want to know about that - you want to know about snow!
Congratulations to everybody who rumbled my snow picture as being a fake. If the snow in my street really fell so it was 40ft high, I would move house in the next five minutes. No, that was stolen from the Ice Road Truckers website - I think it's Alaska. For those of you really thought I would dig snow with my neighbours for hours on end... shame on all of you!
Started making plans for January this afternoon - hitting the road quite a lot. We’ve got our own Tattoo Freeze right in the middle (up in Telford) and then a couple of weeks later, it’s the Brighton Con (in er... Brighton). That’s nearly a whole week in hotel rooms. Gonna be busy though - two magazines and a book to put to bed in the January period along with my own deadlines for a couple of short stories and first draft of “something else” to get done too.
And so my brief period alone comes to an end - Eleanor needs picking up at the train station, the kids need some stuff dropping off and those are just the things I can remember... it's my birthday on Monday. Am thinking that watching Machete with a Chinese meal in a box is the word on the street this year...
Numbers - lots of them in this post
A little Lovecraftian headstone to start the day I think - marvel at the mysterious Cthulu goings on or read a good article about it here.
Woke up this morning to almost 10 inches of snow. I measured it with a ruler to check. I don't think I'll be going anywhere in the car for a few days but I'm going to have to do something that I haven't done since I passed my driving test some 25 years ago and that's walk to the supermarket which I reckon is about five miles away. I'm sure we could make it for a few days but I've run out of cigarettes, so we're in deep trouble!
Whenever it snows, it always reminds me of two things. The first one is being in Syracuse about 20 years ago in the middle of a bitching winter of -37 degrees. The other one is exactly how long it used to take me to do my 75-house paper delivery job on foot through some of the harshest Welsh winters. When it wasn't snowing, it used to take me about 2 hours on my bike, but in the snow on foot, probably more like 5 hours. Good times...
I mention this simply because I'm snowed in with the kids today. They went out for half an hour and then wanted to come back in because it's "cold". I said they had to stay outside. Is that mean or character building? Last thing any parent wants is little Jessies who can't handle the real world… isn't it?
This Jessie type behaviour came as a bit of a shock, as only 24 hours earlier in similar conditions, Ellie made the 80 mile trip to the O2 arena to check out her first rock show (30 Seconds to Mars) and didn't moan once - or so I hear anyway. She's pretty stoked with her gig t-shirt as well and I found myself wishing that I could get that excited about going to see a band again - in any kind of weather! I've bought a fair amount of merchandise over the years but at my first gig - UFO at the Royal Court in Liverpool - I didn't buy any band merch at all and instead came home with a copy of MAD magazine summer special from the train station. Maybe I've always been this way and just never really paid it much attention before.
Currently listening to out for: the sound of the snow plough and gritting truck to rescue me
Currently reading: far too much into why there are so many numbers in the post.
The Gates of Hell
Yesterday morning I was woken up to a call from the Jazz office saying that London Radio wanted me to get in touch to see if I would like to go on air and discuss an article that was published in the Daily Mail about how disgusting it was that more and more otherwise 'respectable' sports personalities seemed to be getting tattoos.
A few things to know up front here:
1. I am not at my best at 9 in the morning
2. I have only ever bought the Daily Mail once in my life and that was when they gave the Prince album away with it. I don't recall reading it.
3. I don't know anything about sport other than MMA and wrestling - and for my money, tattoos come with the territory.
4. What the hell is London Radio? Have Capital rebranded?
So I called up and was given the briefest of briefs - including "please don't swear" - put on hold and before I had even pulled the blind up to see if the snow had arrived in this corner of the world, discovered I has an audience of 4 million people...
Gulp.
Imagine, waking up and being asked a lot of questions really fast by somebody who didn't really give a flying fuck about what you had to say anyway. I think I fought the corner well - the guys at the office all tuned in online and James even mailed me helpful comments like "Can you get Alvin Stardust played for me?"
It must be quite hard to do a radio show absolutely live when you don't know if the people you called up five minutes ago will participate and your whole show is based on whatever happens to be in the newspapers that day, but somehow I expected more in depth questions than "How many tattoos have you got and how much did they cost" but my favourite was something like, "Why is this happening to our sports people". I don't freaking know do I! Maybe they wanted to get one! Much like what clothes they decided to put on and whether they would have tea or coffee with their breakfast, they probably decided for themselves much like the rest of us!
I did however refrain from saying what was on the tip of my tongue - "Perhaps a better question to ask would be why our professional sports people can't play sports anymore. I doubt it's because they got a tattoo and is probably more to do with the fact that when you get paid seventy gazillion pounds a minute for being average at best, what's the point in being hungry? When you've got that much money to play with, what else are you going to spend it on except tattoos, prostitutes, drink and cocaine?
Or was nobody in the sports world paying attention to what happened in rock n roll over the last fifty years?
Maybe if he'd kept me on the air a little longer I would have slipped it in...
Currently listening to: My Chemical Romance - Danger Days
Currently reading: New issue of SFX
LOCKDOWN!
This post is probably not what it first appears to be about...
During my mini book spree a couple of days ago, I'd forgotten that I also picked up a copy of Countdown to Lockdown by Mick Foley. I've been getting pretty jaded with the amount of wrestling autobiographies that have come out in the last few years. The initial run was pretty impressive, then came the "sequels" and then came the nonsense. Did anybody read Batista's effort? Now there was an example of a man totally reluctant to get involved and it showed - badly.
A few weeks back I found a copy of Hulk Hogan's My Life Outside The Ring for 50 pence in a book sale. That's a harsh price to pay for a book brother, but it's actually pretty good as the focus really is on his life outside the ring - namely multiple court cases, a divorce, being alienated as a parent and generally having to deal with the fact that even legends can hit a brick wall and find themselves quite literally looking down the barrel of a .45. I guess Hogan's version of broke and our version of it might differ slightly but you get the picture and it's all relative.
Anyway, Mick Foley is an exception to the writing rule. His writing style is easy and always interesting to read whether you like wrestling or not. Basically, Mick manages to capture the essence of what it's like simply being a man and trying to make your own way in the world whilst trying to keep any morals you might have left intact.
Although Countdown to Lockdown is mostly about the period leading up to his match with Sting in the summer of last year, there's an awful lot of peripherals too - and some of those peripherals are about his work with charities in the third world. Mick doesn't do it in a "look at me, I'm giving to charity" kind of way either… there's a chain of events and a train of thought behind it that's totally valid...
…and there was me thinking only a few days ago that I had never read a book that made me cry. Doctor Who, yes, but a book - never.
Foley writes a fair amount in the book about RAINN - a charity set-up - at least in part - by Tori Amos for some really bad shit that happens in the world, but the chair-shot for me came with his stories of the kids that he sponsored through www.childfund.org - anybody with kids can't help but be touched in some way by his story.
So, this morning I found myself at www.childfund.org and filling in a membership form. This needs to be done. Not so much for my soul - which sometimes wonders what the hell is going on in the world - but for the kid that I'll end up sponsoring. To sponsor a child comes in at about £18 a month. That's less than three packets of cigarettes - or a couple of coffee's and a sandwich at Starbucks - or a DVD… we're talking stupid money that will actually make a difference to a 6 year old kid who only wants to be a doctor and help save other people when she grows up but right now is too busy simply trying to survive to do much about the bigger dream.
Think about it - £18 to do the right thing. £18. Fuck, life is cheap.
Now stop thinking about it and do something about it. www.childfund.org
To re-quote Mick quoting somebody else: "If one person listened, it would be worth it."
Foxy Foxy...
Like I said before, not quite the book I was expecting to be on the shelves first, but it's a book and it's my first all the same. Hard work? Damn fucking right it was hard work! You try juggling 2000 plus pictures of tattooed girls in a three week window and come out of the other side with your mind intact.
In all seriousness though, it's been a lot of fun as well and with its mega-distribution, it should do well - at least I hope it does well... there's some talk of rustling up another volume next year but I think I need a week off before I open the box on that.
Whilst playing with Vixens, I seem to have fallen behind with everything else that I was supposed to be writing about. Not just some things but everything. I think it's a test of how to deal with deadlines.
Now I must eat. Now I must begin watching last weeks Supernatural. Now I must cut back down to 20 cigarettes a day at most.
Currently listening to: Warrior Soul, Joan Jett and Lifehouse. Go figure.
Currently reading: Found some money in my bank account today - so went on a mini spree. Sandman Slim (Richard Kadrey), Amulet (Roberto Bolano) and Roseanna (Jowall & Wahloo)
Hang On St Christopher...
I think nearly all of my blog post titles over the years have been songs on my podlist and today’s deserves a special mention simply because it’s great and far too long since I’ve heard it. Even longer since I saw the video clip - which you can join in or right here.
Man, things ain’t like they used to be.
A million things all at once going on here. When I took over driving Skin Deep, I also took over the writing of a book that’s due to be released on December 1st called Tattoo Vixens. It dawned on me today that this date isn’t very far away and there’s still “some” work to do to lick it into shape - so it’s going to be another long night just to bring the admin side of things up to date. Anyway, it’s not quite the way I pictured it happening but I guess this will be my first officially authored book available off the shelf in all good book stores and newsagents - a bloody good start all the same. I think that’s going to be available internationally too. You can pre-order it here. Drops hint.
Also on the work front, I put the latest issue of the mag to bed today, freeing me up to do the aforementioned Vixens material, liaise with a dozen very excited winners over a photo shoot for the Calendar Girls Competition photo shoot in a couple of weeks and start on the next two issues at the same time. You honestly have to laugh in the face of Christmas deadlines sometimes or you’d just stay in bed all day and hide.
Circumstances these days mean that once a month when I’m on my road trips to the office, I have something that looks like “free-time” after hours. So I’ve turned what would otherwise be a) an evening with my Ma eating pot roast (nothing wrong with that) or b) an evening drinking non-alcoholic drinks with JJ (nothing wrong with that either) into something constructive. It’s still in its fledgling stages right now but I’ve decided to resurrect my Black Dye White Noise radio show. I have no idea what form it will take at the moment but I guarantee it will be a lot of fun and take in as many aspects of pop culture as it possibly can. I’ll be posting heavily when I have a show ready to roll and a home for it. Occasional special guests? Damn right.
Meanwhile, back on the writing front, I’ve started my commitment to write a first draft novel during November (see previous post - or maybe the one before) and this morning (as I had to get up at fucked-up o’clock to take the kids to school), when I got back and found Eleanor had already gone to work, I nailed down the first 2,000 words or so of The Monster Magnet. Sounds a lot? That’s what I thought when I’d finished but I had been working on it in my head all weekend so pretty much knew what I was going to write before I started - and no, that’s not normally how it works! What normally happens is I sit down to write and then get easily distracted. Maybe the morning is a good time to get on with this, but the likelihood of this ever happening again is er... zero. File under pending.
- and on that very subject, I never thought it possible but The Fire Sermon is just a couple of thousand clicks off being read 50,000 times. The others up there are doing pretty well too, with Too Hot For Dogs having just tipped over the 30,000 threshold and the baby of the family, Gelert, having just clipped 5,500. Knew I should have put a price tag on them!
Anyway - all of this and anything else that looks like it might involve turning the Mac on can go fuck itself shortly. Everything stops for Spooks. Talking of TV - is anybody out there following the new season of Supernatural? Man, they’ve ratcheted up the gore quotient! This week, a guy got it in the face with a dentist drill. Have to say, it was thoroughly deserved though.
Currently listening to: Coheed & Cambria - No World For Tomorrow
Currently reading: Still battering away at David Peace’s 1978 with a massive distraction provided by Mick Wall’s latest release Appetite for Destruction (a collection of his rock interviews from around ’88 to the end of the 90s - there’s some long forgotten gems in here - Blind Melon, Dan Reed... like I said - things ain’t like they used to be).
Play That Funky Music White Boy...
Ever been challenged to do something that you know you'll find really hard to do but have said yes anyway? Said yes because it was a friend that challenged you and to say no would mean defeat before you had even started?
This very morning, Mike mailed me over a link to the guys over at National Novel Writing Month where they're running a "challenge" to write a 50,000 word first draft novel during November. The deal is that you announce it to the world, commit to it and deliver. Sounds easy enough... if your days normally consist of sitting on your arse eating cookies and looking out of the window. To make it even more of a challenge, we've piled on some extra pressure by not wanting to look like a dumbass in front of each other in our own personal challenge.
I believe the words that came out of my mouth were "bring it on". Gulp.
With a little thought, I've decided that I'm going to use this opportunity to write my intended pulp debut The Monster Magnet from scratch. This will not be hard being as how I've already lost all my work. On the plus side, at least I know what it's about, have a cover image to help me along and all the back-room stuff is already taken care of - so in theory, I could have it ready to sell before the end of the year.
Other writer cohorts - watch out! I shall be offering the same invitation to you too. No reason for me to look stupid all be myself...
Currently listening to: Backyard Babies
Currently reading: myself the riot act
Monkey Wrench
That most sacred of pagan festivals, Samhain is almost upon us. Like a good and proper pagan, I shall be celebrating in the most time honoured of traditions - and dressing up as Alice Cooper to go to Rhiannon's primary school Hallowe'en disco - in the local church hall. There will no doubt be stuff to do with apples and other sweetie type goodies. I was thinking I might spice it up a bit and take a small box of spiders with me and release them at the snack stand - there are certainly enough of them in the house.
I had best bone up on my Alice Cooper is a Christian facts to prove my authenticity at said bash. There are still a few tickets left so I shall also be looking for willing (or non) volunteers to make up the entire cast of the original Nightmare tour - giant spider, cyclops, Ethyl etc.
Somehow, I don't think this is what they had in mind when they decided to relocate it to the church instead of the school.
Excellent.
Topically - here's a little treat that might have slipped through your net.
Currently listening to: Fall Out Boy
Currently reading: New issue of SFX - but have also finally found a copy of David Peace's 1977 which I'm very much looking forward to getting into bed with.
One Big Crunch
Ouch. Big ouch. Found myself some time yesterday to do some more work on Almost Human - and found that in the process of moving files from old Mac to new Mac, I appear to have deleted all of my stories and books in progress. Not some, but ALL of them. Rummaged through three other machines, four memory sticks and an external hard drive to make sure but they are gone, gone, gone. So I did what anybody would do and had a Hulk Sulk for a while and then simply started again from scraps of text files, various proof copies and my large stack of notebooks.
Bugger. This might take a while.
This is proof if ever there was that Instant Karma is not simply a song title but a living entity - it was only 24 hours earlier that I poured scorn on my friend Tracey's stupidity at loosing her entire iTunes library (and paid the price as does everybody who crosses her!)
So, to rewind, last weekend, I volunteered to lay down some laminate floor for Eleanor's folks - just about the only DIY job that I'm any good at - only I forgot how long it actually takes. Many hours later, it looked pretty damn good which is more than I can say for my knees. I don't think I'm going to escape into future years without them becoming something of an issue but I'll take that - of all the things I've done to myself, a couple of busted knees is a small price to pay compared to the hand some get dealt.
Talking of which, Eleanor left to go to Amsterdam for a two day conference today which meant an afternoon trip out to Gatwick - did the return journey in the record time of one hour. I'll be in so much trouble when she reads this...
Currently reading: Kurt Vonnegut - Look At The Birdie
Currently listening to: Jizzy Pearl - Vegas Must Die
Back On The Juice
Got really bored of my itunes library today - which is pretty bad news as there's quite a few thousand tracks on there - like 12,000 plus. So I went shopping tonight for the out of the obvious and found some great albums kicking about that I meant to get at the time and forgot all about - such is life these days without record stores to plunder through:
Time for an overhaul
Been neglecting Zodiac Lung for a little too long - will be giving it a bit of a tidy-up over the next few days. That's all... get back to work slackers.
Crank it up
A different book store...
Well, OK, not that different. I'm not sure why I always end up in Waterstones on a Saturday morning - seems to have become a bit habitual. Since they eased up on HQ telling them what to display and where (at least a little bit) I've found a fair few things that have been impressive. This weekend, I picked up a copy of The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. Yep - it sounds as lame as they come but is parked right next to, if not directly on top of Catcher in the Rye - only for the Nirvana generation. Go find it - it's a one sitting read... and if it's any help, Chbosky is the guy that co-created the Jericho TV series. Not that this is anything like that but at least his credentials are good.
I also dropped by the comic store on the way back to the car and picked up a book called The Bronx Kill (Peter Milligan) which is one of those Vertigo crime/graphic/novel affairs (like the Rankin/Hellblazer Dark Entries). Not started it yet because I'd forgotten that I bought it and found it about 20 minutes ago in a bag with Saturday's paper and a box of tea bags in it... shall report in due course.
Now that new day job is starting to settle down and I am master of at least three different time zones, the fog's starting to clear and I should be able to start picking up the pieces of where I was a month ago.
First port of call - Dennis and Charlotte! (That counts as fair warning in my book).
Things accomplished in fiction: A lot of reading (does that count?) - did have an idea about writing a story about a guy who can't stay out of bookstores though.
Things accomplished in real life: Looked at an awful lot of skin...
Other: Found out that there is a fencing club not 10 miles from home on a Wednesday evening. Major cause for excitement - odds on forgetting this by tomorrow? High.
The Book Thief
This is shit.
Next door is Costa Coffee and next door to them is the 3 store with a wide open field of WiFi. How dumb can a company get? Not only that but there’s HMV on the other side with an Orange store operating and across the road, the O2 store. Surely it must have occurred to them that this might be a bad idea?
Crimson and Clover
My only criticism is that it doesn’t drill deep enough but then, unless you love the band and mourn them daily, to go that deep would make it about seven hours long and miss the point. Thus my criticism is rendered null and void but there's still a great back-story going on about how the movie has pretended that Jackie Fox was never even in the band. More interestingly, these days Fox is a lawyer - you can do the math for yourself on that one. Still, take it as it comes and everything will be alright. There’s also a fantastic and timely book on the shelves called Joan Jett which is a nice piece of work. But again, unless you like passing your evenings looking at lots of pictures of rock stars (which I do – particularly of Joan Jett) – you might be better off with a book with words in it.
