THE PEN IS MORE PORTABLE THAN THE SWORD
Publish and be Damned
I've stopped buying newspapers completely - and it wasn't hard either. OK, so I only used to buy the Guardian, the Times and The Independent on Saturday and Sundays and then the Guardian again on a Monday, but that's still a lot of papers if you count all the supplements that come with them. Instead, I've moved my habits online, streamlined the whole process and find that I can get through all of those, the New York and LA Times and a few others such as Salon in half the time.
Sure - I miss out on a lot of the columns I used to enjoy and some great articles but instead I'm reading differently too... but none of that has anything to do with what I was actually intending to write...
On the Guardian site today, there's an excellent blog called Dream comes true for aspiring novelist which is exactly what it appears to be about. If you're in the same 'hunting a publisher' boat as me, it's definitely worth a read. Actually, it's worth a read even if it's just to educate yourself that being a writer is apparently just as tough as being a musician or an actor when it comes to sitting your ass at the top of the pear tree.
Pick up any novel - especially those that are from first time authors. You'll find that a large percentage of them are/were journalists or have some link to the literary world. It never says 'Simon is a first time author who until now, has worked in Marks & Spencer pants department.' There's a good reason for this and that is, you spend eight hours a day working in the pants department and not writing. Sure, you really, really may have that killer Philosophers Stone in your back pocket but now you have to find somebody to take you seriously enough to read it and your big problem at this point is that around 4,000 other people have made the same proposal... this week.
What the hell are you supposed to do about that? Setting aside the obvious contenders, the chances of being pulled out of the slush pile are, let's be frank about this, as close to fucking zero as you can possibly get. Knowing this, you should probably try a different tact, however I do think that publishers should share this responsibility and post a communal notice on their websites that says 'all unsolicited manuscripts will be put directly in the recycling bin, so don't do it' - and then they should all buy server space or point people to blogger/wordpress or whatever and tell them to post their first 10 paragraphs online. It may sound unfair but at least it's honest. Who knows, maybe somebody could even check it over for an hour a day. It sounds tame, but guys... the slush pile ain't working.
So that basically leaves finding an agent and self publishing. I have had no word from my first approach and that's fine. It really is. Maybe he's on holiday, but this year four people in my family have died. That means d.e.a.d. Not coming back, no second bite of the apple. Time to make another approach. On the flip side, self publishing is easy, but then I would say that having self published a fair few magazines in my time - the hard part is what comes after that, and that's what you're paying for when you sign up with a publisher. You could probably work out the costs of putting your novel out but the time involved and selling the damn thing is never ending.
More on this tomorrow maybe. I need to write now. That and I've completely lost my train of thought.
On planet Smith, it's the first day of half term. One is out at a friends, the other is out at a friends and sleeping over. All is quiet on the western front but there are no stories from today! What kind of a day is that where there are no stories... maybe I'm just too tired to see them.
Clip of the day: How Come It Never Rains | Dogs D'Amour
Help Your Selfish...
In response to my own blog - Crying in the Rain - about our local store, this morning I found this little nugget of a story in the Guardian/Observer. I've chosen to post it here without their consent because a) I don't want you all sloping off to read it and b) I don't think they will mind because if they did it would defeat the object of the story and make them as bad as those they so obviously have made newsworthy. You will find a link at the end though if you want to link to it yourselves. Thus, for all sane minded people of the world today I present to you the following:
Store staff call girl, 2, a sweet thief
Staff at Woolworths have shown how seriously they take theft after confronting a two-year-old girl who ate a pic'n'mix sweet that had not been paid for.
Isra Khan was with her mother, Aishah, 23, in a store in Blackburn, Lancashire, when she picked up a 20p sweet and placed it in her mouth. A member of staff shouted 'that's theft' before demanding 20p.
'I can't believe the way this staff member behaved,' said Khan. 'Anyone would have thought we had stolen the Crown Jewels, but the fact is my daughter was simply doing what a lot of other kids often do. She's only two.
'She didn't know that what she was doing was wrong and that when you look at the sweets you can't just take one. Then a member of staff came over and said "that's theft" in front of all the other customers. I couldn't believe what I was hearing - I was humiliated.
'Obviously I agreed to pay for it - but they went really over the top.'
Khan, a college student in Blackburn, says she will not return to the store until she gets an apology.
A spokesman for Woolworths said: 'Pic'n'mix is sold in all Woolworths stores for 69p per 100 grams. For health and safety reasons all confectionery and food products must be paid for before being consumed. The prevention of theft or loss of stock is a priority. While we understand the temptations our pic'n'mix may hold with young children the responsibility lies with the adult accompanying them to ensure they are appropriately supervised.'
Health and Safety? Have you ever seen how many sweets are on the floor by the pic'n'mix stand? More criminal is the amount of sweets you actually get for 69p. A decent bag of sweets in the Jolly Roger will cost you anywhere upwards of £3. Well, I'll tell you what Mr F W Woolworth (hereafter known as FuckWit - that could turn into good game), teaching my children how to spell properly is a huge priority for me... how about just sneaking that 'k' back on the end of your brand from hell and doing us all a favour?
If I were you Mrs Kahn, I would wait for your apology and then tell them to stick it back where it came from because they won't learn a thing from it.
On the plus side of yesterday, many excellent things happened (apologies if that sounds a little too Bill and Ted for comfort). The new series of Doctor Who kicked off with a bang and, you know what - Catherine Tate isn't as bad as everybody thought she would be. In fact, she's pretty damn good. It was a real kids episode with lots of undertones which is just what the er... doctor ordered. It's gonna be a good series...
Better still, JJ and I hatched stage four of 'the plan'. We are currently busy instigating the return of our radio show Black Dye White Noise. Oh yeah!
Our new home will be at the UKs biggest internet rock station: ROCK24/7. You should check it out, there's a whole stack of good shows on there. I have no idea about scheduling but the show is pitched to run twice a month in the early days and will be a mixture of old and new songs, sessions and live cuts - we'll also throw in a few stories and some laughs for good measure. Maybe I'll drift around and do some book and movie things too.
I'm scheduled to do a promo interview with my good buddy and station honcho, Simon, next Saturday afternoon so I'll keep you clued in on the timings for that and all playlists will be posted here. Somewhere, I have old playlists from the last time the show ran which I shall post here and here if you're the super curious variety of human.
J being J and me being me, we didn't stick to this religiously. We threw an awful lot of other stuff in too though I'm damned if I can remember what - but there was a cool Bowie mix of Rebel Never Gets Old.
Charlotte emailed across her latest piece of art for Too Hot for Dogs last night. It's a killer piece... she's nailing my ass to the wall with this stuff and I'm constantly having to rewrite and raise the game which is no bad thing.
This is a milestone of a piece for the book as I'm thinking it might be the cover of the first issue. With some slight squabbling amongst myself for a title, it will either be called An Immaculate Misconception or Mad Dogs and Englishmen. I've dummied it up anyway and it's looking good to me. I may have to mail it to a couple of geeky pals and see what they think in that "would you pick it up out of curiosity based on the cover alone?" kind of way.
More shortly...
The Secret Agents Handbook
I'm so incredibly easy to please! In an attempt at pushing 'the lung' out to a wider audience earlier this week, I signed up to fuelmyblog. There are some other, possibly more functional blog tools out there, but their widgets look like shit and fuelmyblog doesn't, so it was quite an easy choice.
Anyway, this week a couple of my new blogging pals hit me up with some props (yeah man... I can do lingo) with a mention on their own blog sites, which is the whole point of the exercise. However, it's the first time I've ever been mentioned in the same breath - or list - as my two all time icons of modern literature, Neil Gaiman and John Connolly. Sure... it might be just a list to you but it's a very short list and I'm on it:
John Connolly
Neil Gaiman
Tales from the Zodiac Lung
Well, it made my day anyway. If you're miserable by nature, just lower your expectations to rock bottom and suddenly the whole world becomes a playground again.
Onto serious business: the business of writing. It's time to get the Led out and hook up with an agent, so this week has also been a week of research. The cool thing about agents is they don't have to try really hard and therefore are quite cool by nature - after all, it's we who have to go to them, unless you're some shit-hot property like Katie Price, but then, I really hope, that's something that everybody is in for the money rather than because it's a good thing to do. I might point out here that I don't think there's anything wrong with being in it for the money, so long as you all know that's the deal.
Like when Naomi Campbell put that book out and it sold by the bucket, nobody thought she was Conan Doyle, it's just supermarket book-time, that's all. Serious sales abound, but nobody really cares if she ever puts pen to paper again...
For those of you clomping around in the Grimpen Mire with regards to getting an agent, stick around. I'm not promising any answers bar the tale of what happens. Feel free to post comments or ask questions. Right now, I think I basically have enough good work for a professional to make an informed decision on - I figure if I can at least enter into conversation with somebody who knows what they're talking about, it will fuel me to work harder. Can I possibly work any harder than this? Maybe but it'll be pushing it! The bottom line with an agent though is - I think - the fact that they will only take you on if they think they can make money along with you. It's a win/win situation... or am I just incredibly naive?
Too Hot For Dogs is coming along swimmingly this week. Charlie has supplied me with a fair amount of art, so, knowing what I know and doing what I do in the day, I've mocked up a dummy comic book to place them into to get a feel of what the end result might be like. Even if I do say so myself, it's looking pretty damn slick. I have no intention of self publishing, but I may get a dozen copies made up to get some feedback on it. Still some way to go though... got to re-think my continutity now I have something concrete to work with.
Yesterday, I also dug out my notes on my soon to be brought to life detective series - once I'm done with One Hit anyway. Without spilling the beans and leaving self open to some robbery (well, you never know), the plot is all fathomed but I feel a need to propel Detective Inspector Kang into another league before I continue to the end. Creative types will instantly recognise the 'stumbling in the dark' syndrome along with the 'I can't believe I thought that would be a good idea' syndrome.
For instance, this morning I thought I might give him Tourette's but it's plainly a dumb idea. For a start, they would never have let him in the force never mind make a D.I. Also, you wouldn't be able to tell him apart from any TV detective you could think of. The idea reached the bin long before the idea had even formed fully in my head. It's the drawing board for you Mr Kang!
Actually, it's not. Drawing boards are old hat. I've gotten myself one of those big panes of glass that they use on Waking the Dead. They are, without doubt, brilliant. I can mind map all over it and then stand back and see through all my ideas. If I go around the other side, I can see through them and read them in reverse. What the bloody hell for, I'm not sure. I just like having one but I know that one day I'll clean it off to start a new book and walk into it and either smash it or knock myself out.
Meanwhile, back in real life, we had another story from the after school club at the church today. This week, Jesus got locked in a cupboard with a tiara made of sticks on his head. I'm going to have to go there one week... just to make sure it really is an after school club for seven year olds and not some kind of survivalist cult.
Out.
Clip of the day: Walk Away | Kelly Clarkson (Much under-rated by the rock community. She's got it!)
The Satan Pit
My blog here for yesterday was killed off by having to put far too much thought into my posting over at Burn. A blog should be a casual thing to put effort into surely, but this one was worth putting a few hours into for sure. For the first time in weeks - maybe months - I had the house to myself during the day. For about half and hour I wasn't sure what I did when I was in this situation, so I cleared the sink of washing up, put some washing on and tidied up a bit, but all that took only half an hour or so (which prompts the question, what do people do all day?). As usual, left to my own devices, the devil came and knocked on the door with an offer I couldn't refuse: "Good morning Sir. I see you have idle hands about yourself today. May I suggest some work you could do for me..."
So it began. A few years ago, I bought one of the best things I have ever spent money on in my life. They're called Creature Speakers and they throw out the best sound I've ever heard. Maybe the acoustics in my kitchen are perfectly aligned with the way they are built or something, but when you plug your ipod in, they take over not only the house, but the street as well. With everybody out, I also figured I'd get away with smoking in the kitchen with the window open for a little while and then, a couple of hours before everybody came back, open all the doors and blast it away.
Scrolling through my lists of things to listen to, I clicked on the Kiss Alive collection - in old money, that's four double albums worth and thus my morning of Kiss mayhem, blogging, smoking and air guitaring began.
I've never noticed before how many people in the nursing home across the road look over at my house. Maybe it's not very many normally but yesterday there was one resident that caught my eye. The naked old guy (I don't think it's the same guy who had a role in Friends) was standing in his window looking over. Such was my good mood, instead of respectfully ignoring him as I normally do - for around £400 a week, I reckon he's entitled to do whatever he likes over there - I waved at him.
Now, my eyesight isn't brilliant, but I could swear he was playing air guitar to King of the Night Time World, but I have been known to be wrong about such matters.
Meanwhile, a couple of rooms across from him, a couple of nurses had been watching my very own air guitaring of King of the Night Time World. Now if you happened to read between the lines about naked old guy, you might have interpreted that as 'masturbating' - I however, was most definitely playing air guitar. Come on guys - it's my kitchen for crying out loud! Even the devil wouldn't stoop that low. Not in daylight hours.
You know what they had been doing? Taking pictures of me on their camera phones. Very amusing I'm sure. However, revenge will be sweet my cherubs. I too have a camera phone. Better still, I have a Nikon with a big fucking zoom on it. Let's see who survives the week the best shall we.
The rest of yesterday then just disappeared in a blur of 'stuff' - I have no idea what I did, but it certainly didn't involve as much writing as I had planned, but I did finish up three books that I had lying around... and a couple of magazines, so that counts as research in my book.
Le Fin... for now...
Clip of the Day: Everything Glows | D.A.D.
The King of Cups
Easter - or, as it's better known in the real world - the Spring Equinox (don't call me out on this or start me off, please!), has been a time of great bounty this year. Traditionally, we do a couple of chocolate eggs (because we like chocolate) and that's pretty much it, but this year, I must have been a really good boy because somehow I've ended up with mugs! A new Doctor Who mug (that makes four now), a Lost mug, a Desperate Housewives mug and a WWE RAW/Smackdown mug. Game on. Nothing pleases me more than slinging out old mugs that say nothing about our family. My favourite though is still the Doctor Who: Judoon Captain/Dalek mug. It's round at the bottom and by the time it gets to the top, it's square and by a scientific miracle, keeps tea warmer than any other mug we have.
You might laugh, but what mugs have you got? It's nigh on the first thing you give somebody who comes into your house and if it ain't singing your tune, it's worse than letting them go straight to your underwear drawer for a rummage.
Not sure what happened to the chocolate that came with them... hmm.
Nice chunky developments this weekend on the publishing front. Charlie has been battering hell out of the art for Too Hot For Dogs so fast that it has forced my hand to do some extra work! We've knocked up a dummy issue to play with and so far, it's looking great. Nowhere near finished but certainly a lot more complete than it was on Saturday. I'll post a pic of the dummy cover in the sidebar tonight. It will probably change but I'm really happy with it. It's starting to feel real now.
Estimated time of completion? Later.
BURN is also starting to take on more of a life of its own again. The plan has been planned and we're just working through it now - and there's freaking stacks of it! Should you give a damn, the unofficial bits are coming together from the blogspace, while the corporate end is being built somewhere else. I'll worry about that later though... readers first, blaggers later. That's a pretty good rule of thumb.
Meanwhile, Carnival of Souls, Turn the Lamp and Hunter are all making good use of the flame that's still in residence at the backburner motel. Times are good. I've had to buy another two notebooks to keep up with the brain activity - I've plugged into something for sure. Hope it doesn't dry up!
That's my hour up! Things to do...
Clip of the day: Fake It | Seether
Chinese Rocks
My friend and business associate, LanLan went to China last week. On her way out of the door, she asked me if I wanted her to pick up some cigarettes for me. Yeah, I know - stupid question. She got back yesterday and this morning dropped a big package on me. 200 cigarettes - Marlboro Reds - twelve quid! Those guys out in the East do everything dirt cheap. A run of decent business cards over here will probably cost you about £80 - over there a tenner if you haggle. What amazed me most though was the quality of the packaging. I can't put my finger on what's so different but the red jumps off the box unlike over here and the States, where the red seems somehow dull by comparison. They kick a bit like a mule too. Just an observation.
I had to go to that damn shop this morning. I was making Rhiannon's lunch and there were no juice cartons left. They've got the 'professionals' in to dress the shop and they looked just as miserable as the regular staff! What's the matter little campers? Fancy yourself as Al Fayed's right hand man and wound up wondering how best to position Tuna instead? The boss lady was there strutting like a mother hen. She was almost going to ask me what I thought being as I was probably the first person in at ten past seven, but she thought better of it. I guess my face said it all... and there still isn't anywhere to park.
Stepping up the pace and moving on with Too Hot For Dogs tonight. Got myself a template for the cover and if Charlie is as busy as I think she is, we'll be motoring in the right direction in no time at all. I'm really excited about it this time around - mostly because I think it can do something. When I first met Charlie about 20 years ago, she was an artist and 20 years later, she still is. That means we're not faking it around here... you wouldn't believe the amount of half assed people I've put this project in front of over the last few years. (Some of them were really good too but that's not all it takes anymore. Sad but true.)
Clip of the day: Dream All Day | The Posies
Crying in the Rain
Well, crying on the sofa and even that's a bit of an exaggeration. A small tear may have rolled across my face until it got lost in my goatee. It's not a good sign of your emotional health when a TV show makes you cry particularly when that show is Torchwood.
It is a good sign of a bloody good scriptwriter though. In case you think I've lost it completely because you watched it too, I'm talking about the BBC3 episode and not the other one... nobody cries at circus freaks unless they're scaredy cats.
What tales can I reveal from the Zodiac Lung today? I've decided that I should get involved in the local community - that's how grown up I have become. My friend Kate owns a fruit and vegetable store in the village and just across the road is a Co-Op store. I hate having to shop in there, but I suppose that's the cost of living in a village - although the true cost is actually in pounds and pence. To illustrate, a tin of cat food will set me back about 39p in Tesco, in the Co-Op, it's 59p. That's a very simple example but the crux of it is that for every £5 I spend in there, I could get about £8-9 of stuff by driving half a mile up the road to Tesco.
About a week ago, they shut the store to revamp it into a new store and a few days later, sent all the local residents a mailshot saying that they were opening a new look store with a brand new name.. and the name of that store would be (wait for it...)
The Co-Operative!
What fucking genius thought of that? You guys in the suits had best be careful you don't work too hard out there. Still, it will be easy for us to shorten its new name back to what it was before won't it. Very kind of you. Idiots.
Aside from that, the mailer said they were now going to be to be selling "locally sourced fruit and veg". What are they going to do? Buy it from Kate? Will the carrots have leaves on still? Will the apples be bruised occasionally and the potatoes still have mud on them? I seriously doubt it.
No - four things will happen next:
1. Their produce will be shit and more expensive than Kates.
2. People will still buy it in the "Co-Operative" because they're intrinsically stupid.
3. Kate will be forced to shut her doors.
4. The price of veg will rise because there will be no competition.
A couple of years ago, there was a newsagents in the village and a paperboy too. No longer. There's a post office at the top of my street and I know they've applied for a licence in the past. Anyway, tomorrow, they're having a grand opening and I shall fill the biggest bag I can find with stuff in Kates store and hang about outside handing out proper food.
I wonder if the traffic wardens will hide in then bushes to catch the customers who park on the double yellows outside like they normally do.
I feel like I need to do something about this. I've thought of a few things that might be a worth a damn today:
1. Fall over or cut myself badly on something stupid they've done and file a massive complaint.
2. Publish some nice flyers detailing how much people could save by going somewhere else.
3. Start a blog where other people can join in the Co-Op bashing.. sorry Co-Operative bashing.
4. Regularly go shopping in there with a huge basket and forget all my money at the till.
5. Slightly on the extreme side this one - no, not suicide bombing but super-glueing their locks every night would put a spanner in the works. I don't like this one much. It's not very stealth like at all and a bit basic for my tastes. The traffic wardens would still ticket the car.
My first port of call though is to mail them and get a list of where exactly this 'local product' is from. I'll wager it's not the same farm up the road that Kate gets her stuff from. Maybe I wouldn't be so bothered if all the managers and supervisors in there weren't so bloody miserable all the time. What's the matter? Can't you rake it in fast enough or something? I'm all for capitalism and business but I have a soul and two kids to bring up and that's a blatant fucking over of someone's livelihood.
Anyway, that's the extent of my getting involved in the community this week. Stay tuned. All details will be publicly available. If you think of something to add, please leave a comment below. Game on Kate!
Have done no writing at all today apart from this and I don't feel bad at all. Rule one of writing: Never write on a full moon. Too much soaking up of light to do until the next one. Easter weekend coming up though... massive outpouring of words to come plus some big advances in the quest for immortality! Though to be honest, just some extra food on the table would do.
Clip of the day: The Truth About Heaven | Armor For Sleep
Death on two legs... and four wheels
Sarah went to a funeral today. Not the greatest of events to write about, but this one deserves a special mention for all the wrong reasons. Sarah's aunt died about ten days ago and with Ellie at camp, Rhiannon at school and me being me, she decided to go with her parents - which is a recipe for something happening in theory alone.Sarah's parents are incredibly frustrating mostly because they're just getting old, but not so old they can be excused for being belligerent. The biggest thing on my list is her old mans driving. I swear, most times I think I would rather get in a car with a drinker. They arrived at the crematorium barely alive. Her folks are in one of those situations where they can't do anything alone. They do absolutely everything together. This is bad. He 'drives' the car, but she navigates. That's right, he moves the wheel, the stick and presses the pedals, but she watches where they're going... So they arrive at the big C and as he's trying to park up, Sarah asks her mum a question. Thus because she's now talking to Sarah, he can't 'see' where he's going and as he's maneuvering the car into a space pretty much blind when he backs into a car.
Not just any old car. The hearse with the body in it.
"Dad, you've just backed into the hearse!" Silence "Dad, did you not see the hearse behind you?" More silence as he now moves the car to a different parking space away from the accident. Sarah swears he knows there was nobody looking and decided to avoid the responsibility of owning up by hiding.
A short time later, during the service itself, Sarah's mother leans over to Sarah and says, probably rather louder than she would have liked: "Where do the flames come from? I can't see where the fire would come out." You can't make this stuff up, I swear.
I don't get this Christian way of living. He's also a manic depressive. Neither of these things can possibly excuse driving away from an accident - even if the occupants are already dead! There could have been a person there and I know for a fact, he would have done exactly the same thing because it's what always happens. The kids have been banned from the car for years in my presence but Sarah has also banned them now. Is it possible to have somebody's licence taken away from them? I know I have a tendency to brand all Christians with the same brush on the basis of how I see them behave, but I'm sure that thinking God will sort absolutely everything out is not bloody healthy whichever way you slice it.
There's a great post script to the story though. Yesterday, her aunt's sister went to the chapel of rest and, on finding nobody there, went in to do her thing with her sis. A short time later, she came out only to run into the funeral director who nearly had a cardiac right there and then. Sarah never knew her aunt even had a twin sister either.
Clip of the Day: Blood Red Sandman | Lordi
The Doctor Is In...
To take you on a trail of Doctor Who goodies from the new series or not to take you?
Bloody good question - will decide over next few hours.
Rock n Roll All Nite...
Two parties to organise and live through, 10,000 words and life general has conspired to leave a hole in the blogging process. I'm looking at this as a good thing because now I have something else to write about. As a writer, this is pretty fundamental. The two parties were a riot. Imagine if you will, Motley Crue at the peak of their debauchery and you'll be half way to imagining what Rhiannon's seventh birthday was like. Eight 7 year old girls didn't seem like such a big deal when I said yes originally but, as I was about to discover, it is a big deal. You have to entertain them ALL the time because once you lose control, you're sunk. I felt like Schwarzenegger in Kindergarten Cop. The only time I had any semblance of order was when I hung the pinata up by its neck and demanded an orderly line - I'm sure they could smell blood.
It was only afterwards that I realised we had stuffed them with the kids equivalent of 10lb bags of crack cocaine (ie: Haribo, Tango etc). We'll learn... eventually... probably.
I discovered a new author (new for me anyway) this weekend which is always good for the soul. David Baldacci's Total Control. Big time thriller, espionage storylines but far from lumbering along like many of his ilk, the pace is hard and fast. Looking forward to chewing up the ten or so already on the shelf over the next few weeks. I've also started re-reading David Lee Roth's autobiog Crazy From The Heat. As you'd expect, it's pretty good fun, but it also goes a lot deeper than you might imagine. Run out and buy it now - or if you're a lazy arse, you could always click this [Crazy from the Heat
Also decided this morning that it was about time I got this tattoo finished off. So far we have the top part, shoulder and upper arm, but have mostly avoided anything to do with the lower chest area - particularly the bit that goes around the nipple... that looks like it might smart a bit. I must be getting old. It's a bit different from this, which is from the movie Le Pacte de Loups (Brotherhood of the Wolf) because I had Martin do it freehand so it would at least be half authentically tribal. With it being so utterly black, it bled so much that we had to do it far too many sessions than we would have liked but he couldn't see what he was doing half the time. Looks good - my mum will beat me with a spoon though. The original trailer for Le Pacte des Loups is here with another neat one here but there's a cool clip up here, which is the original trailer set to Evanessence. The best film ever come to come out of France. Period.
I have a chapter that needs finishing, a kettle that needs filling and whole day of blogging available tomorrow. Will finish up then chumps...
Clip of the day: So Far Away | Stabbing Westward Clip of the yesterday: Parilizer | Finger Eleven and finally, clip of the day before yesterday: Is Anybody Home? | Our Lady Peace
Dust Jackets, Smoking Jackets and Smoking Dust
A little while ago I started working on a dust jacket for One Hit. My plan being that in the interim stages between finishing it and working with an agent on a publishing deal, I want to launch it myself at LuLu to proof it and study it as a live entity. As usual, being too close to your work can do you h.a.r.m. and only the brave should apply themselves to such a venture. Needless to say, it sucked and I know why. I had all these ideas and I threw them all into the pot and made a mess. Then, as if by magic, Ian (my old Burn honcho) emailed me and said he had been thinking about what the cover should be like and launched a raft of great ideas at me that we're going to start working on. He's good at this stuff, I wish we could work together more often. We'll see what gives over the next week or so. I'm almost inclined to post up the ideas here, but experience says to wait just that little bit longer.
This is almost like being a proper writer! Maybe this is what it's like all the time...
Talking of dust, on the flip side of the coin, I dug out my screenplay - Too Hot For Dogs - and have begun reworking it into the new millennium. It wasn't supposed to be on the backburner for that long but that sort of shit happens when you have kids I guess. I'm going to spend a little time twisting into part of the coming sinner619 story arc and redevelop back into a graphic novel and then we'll be ready to roll. We? That would be my (not so old) friend Charlie (f), who - you guessed it - also had some kids and got a bit sidetracked. She's good too. I'll steal some of her art in a day or so and post it here and we'll see where we get to.
The basis of the story is of angels in human form, which has been done before for sure, but not quite like this and once I've finished twisting with 619, it will be unrecognisable. The last time I picked up on these threads it was a very different beast and I was steaming ahead with Stephen Player who used to - and maybe still does - do illustrations for Terry Pratchett. In fact I'm pretty sure he does along with an awful lot of other things. Our first meeting - natch - was in a bar in Chester a long time ago but I still have the sketches that he did which I'll post here right now because they might as well be here as on an external hard drive.
Clip of the day: Fire | The Front
l-r, Lucy (the dog, obviously), Madelaine aka The Creator, Archangel Gabriel, Archangel Michael... other angels sadly missing in action (or in a different folder)
Rock Me Like A Hurricane
Very disappointed that the storm wasn't the Babylonian wind fest that I had been promised. That said, I can live without a tree on my car - which is precisely what happened to Sarah on the train today. An hour is a long time to sit with strangers when you have somewhere to be. I remember breaking down on a National Express bus once going from Birmingham to Victoria. Imagine my delight at finding I was on the same trip as the National Express mascot "man with six cans of Special Brew". Lovely.
For those of you stuck without something to watch these days, I can heavily recommend a sleeper show called Breaking Bad which revolves around a chemistry teacher who discovers he has lung cancer and turns his hand to making and selling the purest cracked cocaine in town in order to provide for his family. It's very dark and shouldn't be funny but when he kills a rival dealer by accident and gets rid of him by melting the body in a bath of acid, you kinda know that one of these writers has to have some British blood in there somewhere.
I've just been chatting with my buddy Seb about magazines and design, and he wrote this which fair warmed my heart: "I remember you saying a while back that you didn't look at other mags when you were working on Burn, you looked at other stuff... I vaguely got it at first, but having worked in an industry totally disassociated from music, I think I get it properly now - every building we do, no matter how small or insignificant, it has to have something special to it - it's gotta rock like a motherfucker, otherwise, why bother? Same for music. Same for writing about music. Everything has to have it's special thing, otherwise, it'll be cock and you'll have to stand by it and look stupid."
Hoofuckingray! We have a winner. Nice to see a hundred pennies drop on the floor all at the same time. I'm not sure that's what we always delivered but it was always the vision - it can be hard though when people are bred these days to accept a genre stereotype - especially when there's money involved. That made my day!
The biggest issue of the day is exactly what to do with this facial hair growth. Currently looking like Rob Zombie, it's time to shape it. If I give it another couple of days, I think it will be long enough to actually be classed as a beard and not a goatee (or similar). I'm not being very successful at the Fu Manchu style, the George Michael is quite appealing but required far too much work on a day to day basis to be of practical value. Thus, it must be my old favourite, the Dr Strange (aka The Master) - who it must be added, probably go for this style for much the same reason as myself. You can't play with demons and look great if your goatee requires too much maintenance. I even have the white bits in the correct place - it's a gift from the Gods as a token of their appreciation.
More later. Must attend to the Monster Club and do rock things like put some washing on.
Where did it all go so wrong...
Clip of the day: The Sun and The Sky | The Violet Burning Bonus clip: The Healer (Live) | Crown of Thorns
Swimming With Sharks
Sarah worked last night so the usual state of affairs is to take the kids out so she can sleep in peace. We've tried being quiet but you'd be amazed how many noisy things are kept upstairs that are absolutely essential in a short four hour period. So I took them swimming. We voted - fun pool or proper pool? Shocking though it may seem, they both chose the same thing - proper pool. That doesn't happen very often and I'm glad we went there. I may be about 10lbs overweight but I'm certainly not the screaming behemoth that turned up just after we'd got in. Now I know you should reserve some sympathy for those with renegade glands and rebellious cells but I'm afraid I don't have much for those who like to stand in the queue at the chip shop. He was utterly jurassic! He had these weird normal guys legs and head but from his neck down to his waist was like someone had injected 50 gallons of saline lard into him. The kids both kept staring which was a little awkward but hey, dude - ditch the Speedos. It wasn't a good look on Mark Spitz and is probably why Andre the Giant wore a leotard at Wrestlemania. I could swear I saw the lifeguard considering pointing out the "no divebombing, no petting" signs. Good call bro...
Later on, these other people got in - just a regular family 2 +2. The little girl says "Hey Dad, can we play the shark game?"
We just stood there and stared at them. That's my fucking game. I invented that on holiday one year. Sure enough, the kids were swimming away as the dad came after them. Rhiannon and Ellie were stunned and I must add, a little upset. Call me childish if you like but we had loads of fun with our new game called "Get in the way of the bastards who stole our old game".
Back in the grown up world. It's cool to be in touch with so many people that I've been writing about recently. This morning, Chopper got in touch to see if I had any photo's from "back in the day", (that would be the 89-91 days). Sadly I don't, but I should probably set about finding some otherwise there won't be many photographs in that section. I'm starting to feel a bit homesick. I haven't been home for almost a year now, but I really need to get this work finished before I do because I don't want it coloured by anybody.
Anyway, after a couple of hours of proper work, we decided to take Ellie to see Vantage Point. What a great movie. It's kind of like 24 meets The French Connection in which a bunch of Spaniards basically kick much Yank ass - well, for most of the movie at least. Worth the hype for sure. On the subject of movies, my love for Iron Man is growing and the trailers for both that and Dark Knight mean the summer is nearly here! The biggest kick of all though is going to be Shyamalan's The Happening - I'm gonna love it even if it sucks, because when Shyamalan sucks, he's still the Man.
Anyway, time to start the night job now. I've set myself a target of 7-8,000 words before I go to bed. Gonna be a long night brothers and sisters. Which reminds me, a little while ago, there was a weather warning about some storm that's heading our way after midnight. They were issuing warnings that at all costs, people should stay away from the sea front because it was going to be a roofshaker. They have to be kidding right? I'm heading down there later with the biggest golf umbrella I can find.
Seen the movie Pushing Tin? That's what I'm after!
Clip of the day: Stakk Attakk | Wrathchild (It wasn't just good at the time, it was awesome!)
Scary Monsters and Super Creeps
Man - I'm fuming. Getting to the stage when I might actually be able to make something happen around here so I figured I might need to finally register my own name as a domain. What's more, I was even going to splash out on a .com - just in case "I" happened to go international (well, you never know). Then I found this: www.sionsmith.com Check it out, look around - what the fuck has that got to do with anything even remotely like my name! Best register as a .co.uk then I guess. Still, I'm in good company. The writer John Connolly has the same problem and so did Paul Stanley, but Paul seems to have sorted his out - probably by sending the boys round with a chequebook...
I've also decided to start a new business - like I didn't have enough to do. Demon Hunting. There's definitely a gap in the market. I looked in the Yellow Pages and there wasn't a single listing in a 200 mile radius. I got bored after 200 miles so I don't claim absolute exclusivity on the idea. I need a partner though - it's not a good thing to go into by yourself. You have to be male, slightly shorter than me and not quite as handsome though you should have a certain appeal in your own way. If you think you fit the bill, leave me a comment and I'll get back to you. No ginger hair though. Sorry, but you'll flare up on TV and look like a wendigo. I already have the necessary wheels - though a contribution of £170 would be welcome - it needs a new heater matrix.
A really bad thing happened this morning. Out of the corner of my ear, I heard Ellie ask Sarah "What's this?" to which she said she'd talk about it later. I stupidly assumed it was something to do with Rhiannons birthday which is next week, but when we went to the supermarket at lunchtime, she announced, "Mum has bought me period stuff".
Hold off there little camper. This is me - Dad - the one who educates you on why it's OK to like Hulk Hogan, the one who let's you watch the proper version of Torchwood, the only one who will go on the rides with you at theme parks! Periods? Uh-uh... no way, Jose! I suppose somebody has to do it though - we don't want any of those Carrie moments thank you!
Clip of the day: More Human Than Human : White Zombie
You Dirty Little Tramp...
After being all blogged out yesterday I needed a pick me up. As luck would have it the drugs cabinet was full to over-flowing and I plucked out Salutations from the Ghetto Nation having also seen moments earlier that there was Warrior Soul renaissance going on. You know what, I'm going to see Warrior Soul and I'm going to see Kiss and then I don't think I'll ever go to another show in my life. What will be the point? Andrew Wood is dead, so that's not going to happen is it. Also on the plus side, that book - Home from the Vinyl Cafe - much recommended slices of laughter where that is concerned. A most excellent book that, despite my promise of having it finished, I haven't. Friday is a good day to finish a book though. Clip of the day: Planet Girl | Zodiac Mindwarp and the Love Reaction
You Wanted The Best, You Got The Best...
Lesson of the day. If you have an LG Chocolate, don't drop it on the floor. Unlike the trusty Nokia brick, it will scratch. At least it didn't smash though - I don't think I'm the right sort of person to have a Chocolate... not unless somebody can design a rubber cover for it anyway.
I found myself in the rather envious position of remembering that it was Valentine's Day tomorrow which a bit of a coup. Sarah 'casually' mentioned that she had no more books to read so that was the present sorted. While I was in there, I found a book called Home From The Vinyl Cafe by Stuart McLean. Looks good... an intial scour suggests it to be something like High Fidelity crossed with Empire Records. I'll have finished it by tomorrow. Best had just in case Sarah has the same idea as me and pitches for the book options as well.
In between finishing up with last weeks Ashes to Ashes and catching Prison Break, I'd been looking for something in "the cupboard under the stairs" and instead of finding what I was after, came across a copy of The Medicine Way. This book thing is getting to be a serious addiction. I've read that book about four or five times now. It fell open at the page it always falls open at - the mind labyrinthe.
This is one of the greatest diagrams a human being can ever lay their eyes on. It's so simple and yet, I still haven't figured out how to use the machine. It's basically reinforcing what I have figured already - that you can have anything in this world that you can dream - if you can keep your censors quiet for long enough for the seeds to bed themselves in.
It's a complex process alright. Maybe it's time to ride the chaosphere again. Not sure if I can handle the fallout any more.
But all of this fades to grey as Kiss announce a full European tour this summer. This is the last time I shall ever go and see them - whatever they decide to do in the future. A Paul Stanley solo show is a different beast, but this will be it for me. One more time for the road. I think I shall take the whole family to the Paris show and do Download by myself.
I need to take everybody because a) they need an education b) I hope it doesn't spoil everything ever in the future for them but they need a point of reference and c) I don't need anymore reasons than that. It's Kiss.
If you're living under a stone and have missed the dates, read 'em and weep:
May
11 Munich Olympiahalle GERMANY
13 Verona Arena ITALY
15 Belgrade USCE Stadium SERBIA
24 Moscow Olympissky RUSSIA
26 St Petersburg Newarena RUSSIA
June
4 Hamburg Color Line Arena GERMANY
6 Prague Saska Arena CZECH REPUBLIC
9 Berlin Velodrom GERMANY
10 Mannheim SAP Arena GERMANY
11 Oberhausen Arena GERMANY
13Download Festival UK
15 Arrow Festival HOLLAND
17 Paris Bercy FRANCE
18 Stuttgart Schleyerhalle GERMANY
21 Bilbao Kobetamendi SPAIN
There's more info here, but I'm not sure how much more info than that anybody could need!
Clip of the day: Love Destruction | Warrior Soul
The Day The Earth Stood Still
My bank account might as well be smoking 60 Marlboro a day, it's that unhealthy. Thus, I got up this morning and decided not to be broke anymore. I think that's a mighty big step. I'm so used to either just about making it to the next pay day or hatching a skin of the teeth escape plan, that it's become the norm.
No more! It's not like I don't have any skills either. I have plenty to fall back on.. so long as it's something you want doing that's in the line of publishing (and laying wooden floor too. I found I was quite good at that).
Started reading a great book today - The Film Club by David Gilmour (not that David Gilmour). It's about this guy who let's his kid drop out of school because he hates it and they watch three films a week in the hope that one of them will inspire him to do something useful with his life.
It's delivered in a very bloggy fashion - if you're here becasue you're a blog-a-holic, it might be right up your street.
I also picked up a first edition of Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell today for £1.50. There she was just lurking in the window display of a charity shop in mint condition. Result. Also got waylaid into picking up a copy of Walking With Dinosaurs for a couple of quid... I'm popular for all the wring reasons when I get home!
Then - horror of horrors combined with much joy - my dear friend Charlie, who I've just hooked up with again on Facebook (so it is good for something), posted a couple of pictures of me up there from 1987. That's 20 years ago. How the hell did that happen. Whoever said 'life is what happens while you're busy making other plans' hit the nail right on the head.
Our (that would be JJ and I) plans to take over the world with Dark Hollow are finally making the right kind of waves. I'm really looking forward to the end of the week when all of the demo material will go live, then we can really start lighting matches and throwing them all over the world. This also means I'd best get my act together and finish off the site tomorrow night otherwise we'll look like fools.
Oddly, I got a mailer in the post today from Mercedes pimping their new C class. Why? I don't have any money and they certainly wouldn't let me go for a test drive if I turn up there on Sunday. Still, the damn thing looks pretty hot and I'd be game for loaning one for a week and writing about it. If it can live through my kids, they deserve to ask for that sort of money!
When I picked Ellie up from Guides tonight, I walked back withthe vicar. Nice bloke. He knows as much stuff about the Knights Templar as me. I wonder if he drinks Budweiser? These days, those are the kind of nights out I can handle.
Just not tomorrow though... Torchwood. Game over.
Greatest thing in the inbox today: Blackout in the Red Room. Killer!
