Well, crying on the sofa and even that's a bit of an exaggeration. A small tear may have rolled across my face until it got lost in my goatee. It's not a good sign of your emotional health when a TV show makes you cry particularly when that show is Torchwood.
It is a good sign of a bloody good scriptwriter though. In case you think I've lost it completely because you watched it too, I'm talking about the BBC3 episode and not the other one... nobody cries at circus freaks unless they're scaredy cats.
What tales can I reveal from the Zodiac Lung today? I've decided that I should get involved in the local community - that's how grown up I have become. My friend Kate owns a fruit and vegetable store in the village and just across the road is a Co-Op store. I hate having to shop in there, but I suppose that's the cost of living in a village - although the true cost is actually in pounds and pence. To illustrate, a tin of cat food will set me back about 39p in Tesco, in the Co-Op, it's 59p. That's a very simple example but the crux of it is that for every £5 I spend in there, I could get about £8-9 of stuff by driving half a mile up the road to Tesco.
About a week ago, they shut the store to revamp it into a new store and a few days later, sent all the local residents a mailshot saying that they were opening a new look store with a brand new name.. and the name of that store would be (wait for it...)
The Co-Operative!
What fucking genius thought of that? You guys in the suits had best be careful you don't work too hard out there. Still, it will be easy for us to shorten its new name back to what it was before won't it. Very kind of you. Idiots.
Aside from that, the mailer said they were now going to be to be selling "locally sourced fruit and veg". What are they going to do? Buy it from Kate? Will the carrots have leaves on still? Will the apples be bruised occasionally and the potatoes still have mud on them? I seriously doubt it.
No - four things will happen next:
1. Their produce will be shit and more expensive than Kates.
2. People will still buy it in the "Co-Operative" because they're intrinsically stupid.
3. Kate will be forced to shut her doors.
4. The price of veg will rise because there will be no competition.
A couple of years ago, there was a newsagents in the village and a paperboy too. No longer. There's a post office at the top of my street and I know they've applied for a licence in the past. Anyway, tomorrow, they're having a grand opening and I shall fill the biggest bag I can find with stuff in Kates store and hang about outside handing out proper food.
I wonder if the traffic wardens will hide in then bushes to catch the customers who park on the double yellows outside like they normally do.
I feel like I need to do something about this. I've thought of a few things that might be a worth a damn today:
1. Fall over or cut myself badly on something stupid they've done and file a massive complaint.
2. Publish some nice flyers detailing how much people could save by going somewhere else.
3. Start a blog where other people can join in the Co-Op bashing.. sorry Co-Operative bashing.
4. Regularly go shopping in there with a huge basket and forget all my money at the till.
5. Slightly on the extreme side this one - no, not suicide bombing but super-glueing their locks every night would put a spanner in the works. I don't like this one much. It's not very stealth like at all and a bit basic for my tastes. The traffic wardens would still ticket the car.
My first port of call though is to mail them and get a list of where exactly this 'local product' is from. I'll wager it's not the same farm up the road that Kate gets her stuff from. Maybe I wouldn't be so bothered if all the managers and supervisors in there weren't so bloody miserable all the time. What's the matter? Can't you rake it in fast enough or something? I'm all for capitalism and business but I have a soul and two kids to bring up and that's a blatant fucking over of someone's livelihood.
Anyway, that's the extent of my getting involved in the community this week. Stay tuned. All details will be publicly available. If you think of something to add, please leave a comment below. Game on Kate!
Have done no writing at all today apart from this and I don't feel bad at all. Rule one of writing: Never write on a full moon. Too much soaking up of light to do until the next one. Easter weekend coming up though... massive outpouring of words to come plus some big advances in the quest for immortality! Though to be honest, just some extra food on the table would do.
Clip of the day: The Truth About Heaven | Armor For Sleep
