So, with the fire all but taking over my entire life for the best part of a week, I found myself volunteering for all sorts of jobs to try and help out as much as I could.
It was this reason - and this reason alone - that we found ourselves in PC World with a pocketful of cash and an instruction to "Go buy a netbook" to at last begin replacing some of the items melted down into demon food.
Finding what we wanted just inside the door, the objective appeared to be simple enough to fulfil in a reasonable short space of time:
1. Point at the item you require.
2. Explain that you want it with the minimum of fuss and chat because your house burnt down.
3. Pay.
4. Leave
To begin, we had to wait 15 minutes while the only salesman in 4000 square metres finished getting as much blood out of the two stones sitting opposite him as he possibly could. This, despite there being five other guys wandering around aimlessly in a 9 square meter holding area called 'technical support'. If you've ever taken any item into PC World, you'll know what we're talking about here. I once took in a twin ended firewire cable that belongs with my eternal hard drive. Showing it to the guy, I asked for one just like it to be told that such a thing does not exist and they didn't have any.
Anyway, eventually Prick the Salesman came over with his smiley sales face blowing in the wind behind him.
I was not in the mood.
"See this" I said pointing, "I want one exactly the same as this and I don't want to be rude but I just want it in a box that I can pay for and leave because our house burnt down. Can we do that?"
"I'm sure we can." Prick replied. "I bet you could do with drink after a day like that! I know I could.. whoops, I shouldn't say things like while I'm working should I..."
"Can we just have the netbook please?"
"Would you like it in blue, red, white or..."
"Black - just like this one here that I pointed at when I said I wanted one just like this."
"OK. I'll go and see if we have one in stock. You'll be needing a sleeping bag for it - these are great. You simply turn it inside out and they make fantastic screen cleaners because you should never use a dishcloth or harsh materials."
"Just the netbook please." Yes. Steam had physically seeping from my ears at this point.
"I can do you one of these for £20!"
"Hang on a second, that's how much it is anyway. That's not a 'deal'. Can we just have the netbook please?"
"Has it been a long day?"
At which point, I swear I nearly turned the freaking 'sleeping bag' inside out and cleaned the inside of his mouth with it, but Eleanor gave me 'the look' that means I had to remove myself from the premises before something bad happened.
This is why Tesco and other supermarkets are allowed to sell computers. You go in, you put it in your trolley with the coffee, chocolate and toothpaste. You get what you want and nobody gets hurt.
Currently listening to: Roadstar | Grand Hotel
Currently loving: DirectLine Insurance
