In the papers last week - over in The Guardian - there’s a piece about Simon Armitage, the new Poet Laureate, and his first poem in the role. It’s about the moon landing and to say it’s underwhelming in the extreme is an understatement. Don’t take my word for it, you can read it yourself here. I’m sure he’s a nice guy - I even quite like some of his older material - but that particular piece… that the whole world is looking at because of who he is and what it’s about, just plain sucks for the job in hand.

Can I do better? Not sure. Let’s have a stab, live and unedited:

THE DAY THE EARTH ALMOST STOOD STILL

Cheese

Fucking cheese

He was so surprised, he said it out loud

“Fucking cheese. Who woulda thought!”

Hits the button on his chest to open comms back to Apollo

Armstrong: Buzz, turn off the cameras

Aldrin: Problem?

Armstrong: Not so much a problem…

He thinks for a moment

Armstrong: Just turn off the cameras and come see for yourself

Two stand on the surface of the moon

Two wonder what they’re going to tell the folks back home

Aldrin: I vote we say nothing

Armstrong: Copy that

Aldrin: But we could take a few handfuls back up for lunch right?

Armstrong: I see no harm in a few scraps. I think there’s even bread of a kind up there somewhere

Aldrin: Cheese. Who woulda thought

Armstrong: That’s what I said! One small lunch for us but it might too much of a giant step for mankind if we tell the truth

Aldrin: Hey that’s good. You should use that when we set the cameras rolling again