Best Books Of 2012:

Or rather, the best books that I read during 2012. Some were still hot from the delivery truck when I picked them up, others could possibly be from 2011 and sat on the shelf for longer than intended. Hey, it wouldn't be a list that I made if it was well organised would it: 1. The Tooth Fairy - Graham Joyce 

OK. Having done my research for this post, I see that The Tooth Fairy came out originally back in the mid nineties. Too bad. It's still the best book I've read all year. It's kind of what you think it might be like, but then it goes and does so many different things and walks so many unknown paths that it really is difficult to describe - and it's wonderful on all those levels. I've seen some rough as hell covers for it though. Ignore them. It's an out and out giant slayer.

2. Up Jumps The Devil - Michael Poore

I picked this up at the airport in Colorado (a woman from Derby sold it to me who pinpointed my birthplace accent - I thought I had lost that long ago) and I stripped it down on the plane, train and an automobile. Obviously not whilst driving. Great character, great time spanning story, a slick sense of humour (an American that gets irony - totally worth the entrance fee) and generally a brilliantly fun  - dare I say - laugh out loud novel to lose yourself in for hours on end. Great cover design - bonus!

3. The Lighthouse Keeper - Alan K. Baker

This sounded like every book I would never read. A book about a lighthouse? Written by somebody who sounds like he might be a news-reader? Be fooled no longer. This one is a stealth bomber. Weird as hell. I didn't have clue where it was going, not even on the last page and that's because although it's about er... weird shit that goes on at a lighthouse, the book is more about the keepers themselves and therefore more about human nature and as we all know, when humans are trapped on a rock with a lighthouse and weird shit occurs, anything can happen. And does. Almost as bad a cover as Tooth Fairy but not sure what I would have done differently if faced with the task...

4. Say You're Sorry - Michael Robotham

Sometimes, you simply need a book in which people get bumped off and you can't figure out who it is or why. This is my crime pick of the year because I read it one day and that's a good enough recommendation as you'll get. With a superb lead character who's not a copper or damaged in the way that coppers normally are, the whole Joe O'Loughlin series is worthy of a lot more attention that they're getting. Get off your sofa, go find some and read them in order. No comment on the cover of this - professional "look at me I'm a crime novel' design going on here. Which is what's called for. Michael... write more... faster please.

5. The Wrath of Angels - John Connolly

Well. There's no show without punch and I still say Connolly is the best writer in the country. I think this deserves to be higher on the list but circumstances meant that I picked it up day of release which wasn't necessarily conducive to me paying the best of attention. Thus, it took me a while to get started with it. My fault, not his. If I started it again today it would be a different story. If you're not familiar with Charlie Parker, best go and log onto janetandjohn.com or lookatmepetthedog.com because you're no reader friend of mine. The best crime series, let me think... since McBain's 87th Precinct plus added supernatural elements that mean... well, I still haven't figured out what they mean but it doesn't matter. 'Fucking incredible' is as good write up you'll find. The covers? Pretty good - when the series started they were different and I had never seen anything like them but they brought them into line for the 'stupid people'. I'll let it pass simply because what goes on inside the pages is so damned good.

6. Manhood For Amateurs - Michael Chabon

My latest flame. Currently reading his entire catalogue one after the other. Something I've never done with anybody before. Chabon is phenomenal but something of an acquired taste. This particular book is a collection of essays on being a father - which is as far from as dull as it sounds as I can get. Quite honestly, Chabon is the kind of writer that makes me wonder why I even entertain such dreams but he's so good that you can't help but hand out large plates of respect. He's probably a great guy as well. Bastard. Nice selection of covers on both sides of the Atlantic - which makes a change. He also has out of control hair. I think we should be friends.

7. Gods and Beasts - Denise Mina

Is Denise Mina still the UK's best kept secret? I see a pattern emerging with myself for detective fiction in which nothing is the same as it has been for far too many years with regards to UK crime. Anyway - I'm not going to say anything about this. Go discover her for yourself. There are too few surprises in life without me taking the few that remain. Nice covers too. I can spot a Denise Mina at fifty paces. That's a good thing.

8. Falcons of Fire and Ice - Karen Maitland

I really mean this: Karen Maitland is not for everybody. You'll have figured that out during the first paragraph of any of her books. But if she strikes the chord with you, each and every one of her books comes as some kind of gift that fell off a godlike cloud. Totally unique. I have never read anything like her stories and I adore every single one for all the right reasons. Stellar stories with massive amounts of thought goes into the production right down to the paper and the typeface - and the covers... what can I say about the covers? Among some of the best work ever laid on a cover? Without question. I'm talking hardback here, you don't get the same effect with the paperbacks. Why isn't this at number one on the list?

9. Every One Loves You When You're Dead - Neil Strauss

Strauss returns which a collection of interview snippets with seemingly everybody in the whole world. Strung together with a loose theme, this is one for pop culture guzzlers to get their teeth into (and it serves Klosterman right for not writing something I could put on the list). The guy writes so well, I'd punch him in the mouth if I didn't want to shake his hand for setting the standard the rest of us culture types to attempt to live up to. Like Chabon, he's seems like a genuinely great guy too. I shall not however call him a bastard because he has no hair at all and has therefore suffered enough already. Cover? Not great. Good job I didn't judge it from the cover or it would still be on the shelf.

10. The Prisoner of Heaven - Carlos Ruis Zafon

Zafon. At this point in the run, I'm hardly likely to be able to talk you into loving the man and his work, so if you've been playing the 'Shadow' game, you'll already have been here and nodded sagely to yourself. If not, see the advice at the end of number five. I like these covers even though I think I shouldn't. That means they're working. Ignore me. I'm just bitter than nobody asked me to have a go at them.

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An interesting list. I need to tidy it up some thoughts. Nesbo didn't make the list because I didn't think The Bat was very good (for obvious reasons if you're a fan). Rankin returned with Rebus and I made the mistake of going for it on audiobook from audible - where it's read by the most annoying Scot on the planet. Truly dreadful but it's Rebus so I'll return to that one by purchasing something with pages in it. Shit cover. All the Rebus redesigns are shit. I hate them. True fact. That's a lot of hate for a set of book covers but they look cheap and disrespectful. Clive Barker's Abarat: Absolute Midnight nearly made the list but I'm just waiting for another instalment of something that isn't bloody Abarat to be frank. Me and the rest of the world. It will come. Gaiman has been a bit quiet. Was the Graveyard Book this year? That was a good read, but I've read so many kids books this year that I thought I might do a separate list... not that it was strictly a kids book I guess.

It's not right of me to actually name the worst book of the year is it but I think it was Daughter of Smoke and Bone. I made it through maybe a chapter and then decided to wash my hair instead. Sorry. That's the way it crumbles sometimes.

What did we learn here? Two things I think. 1. Brilliantly written original books need great covers so that people will be inclined to pick them up and investigate more. 2. People called Michael write really good books.

Le Fin.

Preaching The End Of The World

I'm off to Belgium at the weekend for three days. That's just far enough away to see exactly lightly I can travel - regular readers will have figured out by now exactly how much I dislike carrying luggage. Here's what I'm thinking: Personal hygiene materials (including socks and pants) - buy them when I get there and throw old stuff in the trash before I come back.

Books - this one was proving tricky but for the relatively short trip that it is, Rankin's new Rebus offering - Standing In Another Man's Grave - as an audiobook seems like an excellent travelling companion.

Clothes - figured I would wear a suit, meaning I don't need only need two shirts, one of which I shall be wearing. A man can find a white shirt in any city on any world if he needs to buy another.

This more or less means I can get by with just my phone and a bottle of water (the ultimate in instantly disposable items), but I always think this. Worst case scenario? The old Scaramanga bag. I don't mind that so much at all. The hard part is the fight with yourself that says if you really have to take a bag, you might as well fill it with stuff - which is wrong.

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Blogging is a little sporadic at the moment due to - wait for it - actual words being written. The schedule says two more books by Christmas so that's what I'm aiming for and there's nothing like having a deadline hanging over your head to sharpen the pencils. I was talking to an author friend yesterday about his latest book and how it was faring internationally. The word came back that sales, although respectable, where not as good as his previous novels resulting in something of a 'pay-cut' from his publisher. I like hearing things like this because the temptation is to always look at King/Gaiman/Koontz for business models but they are the exceptions and not the rules. That's not taking anything away from them because Lord knows they deserve everything they have but even though they may be the ideal, it's always good to know the reality of any likely situation from the guys in the trenches.

I know he won't mind me quoting him here - particularly as I haven't said who he is - but this was a good reality check for me:

"Well, there is a really scary thing happening with a lot of us mid list authors right now. Publishers are not editing our books. They are not backing them with much, if any, marketing or advertising. They are fighting us over titles and cover art and pigeon-holing us. And for that privilege we allow them to take 85 cents on the dollar."

85 cents in the dollar? That leaves you with 15 cents that one would presumably have to share with ones agent. My number skills are pretty poor, but let's take a simple example. Let's say a book is ten dollars. Your share of this using this model would be one $1.50. Let's take a simple sum that I can work out and say that you have to give your agent 20% of that - which is 30 cents - you are now left with $1.30 per book sold. Let's quickly move that model to the UK and say that if a book is £10 on the shelf, your share eventually becomes £1.30. Let's take a ballpark salary of £30,000 that is probably an average wage to live off these days. You would need to shift 24,000 copies of your book to make that grade - and that's not factoring in taxes etc either.

Now, I don't know if this is typical of the industry or not but it doesn't sound great. I also assume that most authors sell remarkably less than this. If it is a reasonably typical example, it's small wonder that a self published kindle/ibooks author goes down that route, as it tips the percentages on its head in your favour. By my (probably bad maths) you would only need to sell in the region of 3,500 books to make your £30,000 salary. That even seems achievable - and even though you would probably be insane to try and sell your book digitally for £10, the numbers are at least something you think you might be able to deal with. I even forgot to add the money back on that you would give your agent.

The fly in the ointment in this is that a good publisher can get your books in front of people. People buy books that are in front of them in a book store. I am 'people', so I know. Digitally, I tend to hunt very exactly with sniper crosshairs. How do you get your book in front of people to sell that many of a digital device. You might think social networking is a great place to start but as I have always said about networking online, it's like being at party with a million people all of whom are looking out for nobody but themselves.

I am genuinely intrigued as to how an author can make this work properly for them and break the traditional model once and for all - and I'm not talking the lower than low sock puppet tactics recently in the news. Did I say everything that was in my head on that? I think so... possibly some edits to come.

COMMERCIAL BREAK:

Meanwhile, I meant to post this quite some weeks back now. My friend Mr Downes came up with this and I loved it - and now you may love it too because he couldn't find anywhere online he wanted to post it.

I feel that we must finish the day with something from the music library that kicks royal ass with total agreement from all. Thus, I present to you, this: