My new bicycle.

Advance warning: this post contains very abusive language.

I try unbelievably hard to keep really nasty stuff off my blog posts. I really do, but today I figure there's no point in having a blog which is read by over (at last count) 5,153 people if you can't sometimes say what you really want to.. and yeah, I was quite shocked by the readership figures as well.

Last week (on Monday 7th to be exact) I ordered a bike for Rhiannon for Christmas - by debit card which is, I believe as good as cash. I gave them until the 9th as requested to come back to me with confirmation - all good so far.

We now come to today which is the 15th and there is still no sign of a bike. I think I would be mildly cross at this point if it weren't for the fact that I emailed them the day before asking if the bike was in stock (which it was) only to be blatantly lied to thus: "I don't think the bike was in stock when you ordered it".

So, being as you nice people at ********** Bikes are able to read this as I sent you the link: I don't give a fucking toss about anybody else's bike order. I don't fucking care how busy you are. Christmas does not come as a fucking surprise to anybody. I want my fucking bike by Thursday. I shall move heaven and earth to virally shame you. I will sign you up - with the assistance of my lovely friends who have nothing better to do with their time - to every piece of junk email I can find. Then I shall sign you up to every scrap of telephone junk I can find and every piece of shit free brochure on the face of the planet.

This I believe is just, fair and true. Thursday, I reveal who you are because let's face it - I could have driven to Halfords, bought a bike for the same money and put the damn thing in the back of my car and not have to waste my fucking time chasing the fuck out of you.

I don't like being lied to but worse still, I have to answer to an eight year old on Christmas Day.

Bring it on. Fuckers.